Chapter 663: Dealing With Depression And Anxiety

I’ve struggled with depression for many years now, and anxiety is a pain in the ass. Sometimes I’m just simply sick and tired of life! And I want to end it all. I found it hard to leave the comfort of my home, and kept doing this thing where I’ll put in my contact lenses, walk around the house with them on, and then take them out again, repeatedly, usually 2-3 times, or until I realise time is ticking and I need to get going or else I’m going to be late for work.

It’s like a very annoying battle, being at war with myself. . .

‘I need to go’

‘I can’t go’

‘I have to go’

‘I don’t wanna go’

Mental isn’t it?

It’s not really about staying positive as some people have told me, but learning how to neutralise the bad thoughts when I’m in a bad situation. The feelings I feel at that moment in time does not always equal reality, I know this. Just give me a few moments to calm down, to think rationally and straighten out the problem in my head. Sometimes I’m overwhelmed by emotions that it clouds up my thinking process.

At times, certain situations can cause me great distress and throws me in a loop of unwanted thoughts where physically I am unable to sit still, concentrate or relax properly. Lack of sleep is the main cause for me to stress over stupid emails, paperwork, numbers, and people. You know, the usual daily office life… not very exciting isn’t it…plus the unnessary reminder of: Society Pressures, you know the typical keywords…marriage, children, future…

It feels sort of like…as if I’m suffocating underneath everybody’s opinions…As if I’m not worthy.

I knew it couldn’t keep going on forever so, I finally went to seek professionally help. I went on a 4 month psychological therapy course, and GOOD NEWS I was then officially discharged because my overall condition had improved. But, it doesn’t mean I’m finally cured, but it does mean however I have better control.

I talk a lot about work, I do enjoy it (sometimes), and because I care so much about it, it weighs on me. Learning to switch off is difficult, but I’m trying my best. I haven’t mastered neutralising my thoughts, but the off button is definitely there when I really push for it.

Especially when…. I have holidays planned: France + Spain this August, Okinawa in December, Taiwan in April 2020…and hopefully back to Japan next August (Are you crazy?) I know it’s going to be HOT!! But I really want to go back to Tokushima!! We shall see!!

Let’s keep it going!!

I regret not traveling often when I was younger, people held me back, and I was in hospital a lot, so to make up for it I want to do it as much as I can.

—Tofu

31 thoughts on “Chapter 663: Dealing With Depression And Anxiety

  1. I go through that: endless checking of the clock, the stove, fighting with the pony-tail, burning time, stressing, sitting down, standing up…etc. This weekend has been rough. I am sorry you go through that. It’s very hard, but the black clouds usually pass. Hang in there, my friend!

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  2. so happy to hear that you are not letting negative emotions bully you around and pull you into negativity, over time you will master compassion for yourself , and others and your health will shine forth …Thank-you Tofu …still waiting on your report on that giant Godzilla statue … LOL

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    1. Thank you 😊
      Haha the Godzilla statue!! I’ll be there soon… unfortunately I didn’t have time to visit Tokyo a lot to see it there…but I did see a smaller replica at the airport in Chitose … which is nearly half way into my trip, thank you for waiting 😊 haha I’ll have to revisit Tokyo to see it for sure!!!

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  3. Well done for taking action and for making up for lost time with your recent travels. I don’t wish to simplify things, but in relation to listening to other people, there is some merit in adopting the view that “other people’s opinions of me are none of my business”.

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  4. Neutralising bad thoughts in crappy situations is probably the most useful and helpful way to cope through terrible depressive and anxious moments. It’s also the most difficult thing to train your body and mind to do. I still struggle with it, but it’s helped me a lot. This year has been a wild ride for my anxiety and feelings of not being good enough, and wondering whether it’s worth it to keep going. I’m glad that you’re still around and I’m glad you’re travelling now. I haven’t travelled at all in my life yet and it’s the one thing I’m desperate to do. I feel once I can do it, it’ll help me a lot with my other challenges. Sending you hugs and positive thoughts.

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    1. Very true, it is very difficult to try your mind and body to neutralise bad thoughts. Just have to take deep breaths and try to calm down, a lot of the times the mind is just messing with you. The situation isn’t even that bad, but it feels like a black hole swallowing you up, and I always lose my appetite, then I try to eat more to make up for it. Very bad cycle. I hope you feel better, we will be ok and keep going like you said. Thank you, let’s keep pushing on with life 🙂

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    1. I think it’s always good to talk about it openly online or with your close friends. But at work tho….I don’t think I’m that open about it because it’s hard when you’re challenged by employers that question others about ‘Do you think depression is real?’ and you just feel like you have to hide it.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. ”as if I’m suffocating underneath everybody’s opinions…As if I’m not worthy.” …or the opinion that I THINK everybody has of me… which might even be worse… because they might not even be thinking that at all…

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  6. Hi Tofu! I’m so sorry that you feel like you are not worthy, as you said. Life is crazy, and we feel so many different things every day. Do you know what the meaning of life is? Have you ever felt like there had to be something more in life? Well, there is. There’s God.
    God loves you, and God is perfect. Sadly, every person has broken God’s laws. Breaking God’s laws is called sinning, and sin separates you from God. If you sin, you can’t go to heaven when you die because heaven is perfect. Instead, you’ll go to a horrible place called hell.
    Because God loves you, he sent his perfect Son, Jesus, to die in your place the worst death anyone has ever died. He took your penalty for sin on himself. Then, three days after he died, he rose again from the grave! He did this so that you can die to sin and live a purpose-filled life, then go to heaven when you die.
    To receive forgiveness through Jesus, all you need to do is pray. Admit to God that you have sinned, believe that Jesus died and rose again for you, ask him to come into your heart and forgive you, and commit to following him. If you pray that and truly mean it, then you’ll go to heaven when you die!
    I hope you think about what I have said. I’m praying for you! If you have any questions, please ask me! God loves you!

    Liked by 1 person

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